Thank You President Obama!

Friday morning we sat sipping our coffee and came across this story in the LA Times. We were so happy we had cake to celebrate!!!

President Obama late Thursday ordered most hospitals in the country to grant the same visitation rights to gay and lesbian partners that they do to married heterosexual couples. ... Obama ordered the [Secretary of Health & Human Services] to ensure that all hospitals getting Medicare and Medicaid money honor all patients' advance directives, including those designating who gets family visitation privileges.
The order also requires that documents granting power of attorney and healthcare proxies be honored, regardless of sexual orientation. The language could apply to unmarried heterosexual couples too.

The pen is mightier than the sword. We just want to say Thank you President Obama! Keep up the good work.

What If You Weren't Invited To Your Own Prom?

Do you remember Constance McMillen? She made the news a couple months ago when she was told she wouldn't be allowed to bring a female date to her high school prom in Mississippi. When she tried to sue the school they simply canceled the prom. The school essentially told the entire world they would rather their kids are deprived of any good times at their Senior Prom than allow them to share the dance floor with a lesbian couple. Well the ACLU was as offended as we were and immediately stepped in with a new lawsuit on behalf of Constance: put on a prom for these kids - all of them. So a group of parents came to the game and announced they would host a private prom for the kids. They implied this would solve Constance' problem of being unable to bring a same-sex date to the public school event. They implied this was a solution for her. They didn't tell the court this was really a solution for them.
Constance was given the run around, told the event was canceled, and finally told the school-sponsored prom was back on and she could bring her date. But who was at this "school sponsored" prom? Seven misfit students. The parent organized event was still on and they made sure Constance and her girlfriend weren't invited and kept in the dark.
We have a couple of questions: What are they hoping to accomplish? And what message are they trying to send to the world? Because we're hearing hate. Lots of hate and discrimination. And we're wondering how on earth any of those parents think this was okay.
We're so sorry you were deprived of your prom Constance!

-Flora

Premarital Test Drives

This weekend I had coffee with some family and it was a really great time - lemme tell you my uncle can make a mean pot of coffee! Said uncle and I talked a lot about his ex-wife, how he felt in his marriage, how he feels now, premarital sex... It's interesting to hear the previous generation voice more progressive ideas than we're used to from them. When it comes to sex, his beliefs seem to be as liberal as mine.

My uncle's first wife was emotionally abused by her father. As well, she witnessed the physical/sexual abuse he subjected her sisters to. So in his words, sex represented everything that was awful to her. I can completely understand this because I was in the same position for a lot of years after being raped at 13. I've been lucky enough to recover but I know some don't. So her desire to avoid sex (among other things I'm sure) drove a wedge between them and ruined their marriage. I'm sure he wouldn't change things now, after raising two amazing children in the process. And now he's met and married a woman who he's extremely compatible and happy with.

But in the present moment, without thirty years of history holding someone to a choice, don't you think we would be glad to know, before taking vows, that our partner isn't on the same page? While I don't think outright promiscuity is the answer, I do think having sex before getting married is important, to establish compatibility. Unfortunately, even with friendship, shared interests and even physical attraction, the actual act of sex can sometimes fall flat between two people. Or sex-drives won't match up and someone wants it much more often than their partner. The problem is this: as with many circumstances, when the sex is good, it's only 10% of what's good, but when it's bad, it's 90% of what's bad. I hear this comment about a lot of things and I think it's because when something is going well, it is just a single component in a fulfilling life. But when it's going badly, that single component detracts from every other area. Anyone who's been in an unhappy or unsuccessful marriage knows just how much it can effect every other part of life.

In my teens and twenties, partly in reaction to being raped and partly because I think a lot of young insecure women go this route, I gave myself away to more than a few guys. Some I wish I could take back. But do I wish I had been able or chosen to wait till marriage? Absolutely not. I would rather know ahead of time that we have at least one less obstacle to overcome. Marriage isn't easy under the best circumstances.

So what do you think? I know that living in my town, a lot of people disagree with my opinion.

-Flora