Office Max, Ice Cream and a New Goal

My sons dad and I talk often about the importance of teaching our son to set goals, then work on attaining them.  Truthfully, when you boil down the teen events that Merriweather and I do, one of the big things I hope to achieve is opening kids minds to the possibilities available to them and helping them set goals that inspire them!  My son attended the event on the 5th, so discussing goal setting with him again is probably very timely at this point.  A few weeks back he came home from school after a career day, with a list of possible jobs hastily scribbled onto a corner of paper and torn from his worksheet.  In telling me about the possibilities that caught his attention, I could hear he wasn't especially excited about any of them.

A little after that, my son and I had a conversation about my renewed work on the novel I'm writing.  He agreed he would try to get things for himself while I was writing, or wait till I took a break to ask something of me.  Partly because of that conversation, he's taken more notice of what I'm doing and has noticed I'm writing.  This has had the unexpected effect of giving him more confidence in his own writing abilities.  In the past, he has been very resistant to writing of any kind.  He doesn't like to write by hand and his typing skills are just now getting to a point where he feels like he's accomplishing something to type rather than hand write.

Writing is also, I think, a sort of deceptive craft.  It seems like it should be easy, right?

"I speak well, tell stories, converse, entertain and delight verbally, why shouldn't I be able to write it down in a bestseller?"

 Similarly, I think it seems to kids who read a beautifully narrated story that they could do this too and it should be easy!  For those who don't naturally lay down pages of prose however, it can be very intimidating.  So when my son had struggled over every word and come up with three lines, poorly constructed, he was understandably discouraged.  He let that feeling keep him from writing anything for a long time but he's not intimidated or discouraged by writing any more!  Shortly after he started to take notice of my writing, he began writing his own story!  He'll join me while I write, bringing his laptop into whatever room I'm in, saying "Hey Mom, wanna write together?"  Clearly, having such a real example of that possibility makes it an attainable goal for him.

Last week he finished his story.  It's over 4500 words and is nine pages long when printed!  He's so proud...  So am I!  With the final version in hand, we went to Office Max for binding and once it was all put together I thought his face might crack from the huge smile pasted there!  I decided this wasn't the time to go home so we drove out to a Jim's Diner for hot cocoa and ice cream sundaes.  When asked about the scrap of paper he had brought home after career day, he informed me he didn't want to do those things - he wanted to be a writer!  He had such a great time working on his first story he wants to do more writing.  Watching him light up as he talked about it made me grin from ear to ear.

He told me over ice cream that he wants to be an author and have his story read by thousands of people.  I told him bestselling authors sell millions of copies of their books.  I said "When you write a book, you won't reach thousands of people, you'll reach millions."  That idea lit up his whole face!  I reminded him not to think small about himself, just like he learned from Kevin Hall.  So he wants to be a writer!  And he wants to work on that and set goals that will make him a better writer and develop his skill.  Whatever he ends up pursuing as an adult, it's so exciting to see him dreaming about his future.

I'm interested lately in what kinds of goals we set and how we reach them.  Do you regularly set and work on goals?  Do you help your kids reach goals?  What  methods do you implement for yourself or your kids to achieve those goals?

Missing you...

I hope all my readers will forgive me for taking such an extended hiatus! I've been gone a while because I'm working on an all consuming project recently. It's another writing project that I've been spending most of my time on - yes, I'm cheating on you. Despite the constant writing though, I've been getting an itch lately - that itch to write something, and publish it immediately. If you're a blogger, you may recognize my need for instant gratification. Don't get me wrong, it's very exciting to see this project take shape! I just felt like I might be lacking a little reader interaction these days!

Aside from the writing, I was recently involved in another project that inspired and humbled me. Me and two of my very good friends organized a teen workshop addressing issues like clarity, inspiration, integrity, accountability, finding your soul purpose and so much more! Last Saturday we brought together five great presenters, so many wonderful sponsors, a beautifully catered lunch and 39 of the most amazing teens I've ever met!

It was a hectic few weeks leading up to the event and in the final week prior, I did let myself fall behind schedule on my writing project, but that's getting caught up now so I don't feel bad. We started getting quite a bit of interest from kids and some of them didn't have the funds to attend the workshop but we hated to turn anyone away so we started looking for sponsors. Now keep in mind, as of yet, there is no non-profit status to claim and no tax benefits to offer to those who might consider donating to our cause. All we had to offer was the gratitude of these kids and a banner with their logo on our website! Still, again and again we got small business owners agreeing to sponsor a teen for the day! I was touched again and again by the generosity of people. One sponsor I communicated with a few times, was finally able to sponsor a teen just one day before the event. I emailed to say I would love to add his business cards or fliers to the take-home bags we were putting together and I'd be willing to drive to wherever he was to pick them up. I assumed he was local. He had seen about the event on facebook, seen that we were looking for sponsors for teens who were unable to go on their own, read about what we were doing and decided this was a cause he could get behind, but he wasn't here in town, he was in Colorado! So there was nothing he could gain in return, he just wanted to give a teen that wanted to go, that opportunity! I was so moved.

Kevin Hall spoke before lunch and as a gift to the kids, gave every one of them a copy of his book Aspire! Discovering your purpose through the power of words and the companion journal Discovering your purpose through the power of your words. He really connected & interacted with those kids and I could tell how much he cared.

Charan Prabhakar came all the way from Los Angeles for the day and the kids absolutely loved him. He would step in after a particularly heavy moment with a lighthearted story that made everyone laugh, while handily illustrating and underlining the concept the kids had just talked about. He definitely made an impression on them and I'm so thankful he was able to be with us for the day!

At lunch time, the kids grouped up and worked on setting goals while they enjoyed a delicious lunch donated by Kneader's Bakery in South Jordan. I loved seeing them smiling and laughing while they ate and worked on creating new possibilities for their future.

I ran back and forth all day between two conference rooms in an adorable pair of white go-go boots - I even vacuumed in them at the end of the day because I'm that awesome. Indeed, I looked fabulous, but I definitely paid for it! Over the next two days I suffered through the healing blisters and throbbing feet, but now that I've recovered, nothing but the sweet memories remain! I got to meet wonderful kids, work with amazing people, get further clarity around my own vision & purpose in life and eat delicious Kneader's sandwiches for lunch! All in all it was a pretty fantastic day! The format and style need a little work but overall it was a screaming success and I foresee many teen empowerment seminars in my future. I might need to buy some insoles.

How Can We Bring About Positive Change from the LDS Conference Rhetoric?

I'm so alarmed by the recent rash of suicides among the LGBT youth in America, and after this weekend, living in Salt Lake and being fully exposed to the information disseminated at this weekends General Conference, I'm very sad that the leaders of the LDS church, the default religious leaders of my community, are still encouraging division among brothers & sisters. It's just so wrong! And so I, like so many others, am once again driven to speak out about my own feelings.

The widespread dissatisfaction with the LDS church leadership I am currently witnessing is not a new phenomena. It's been this way since the very inception of the LDS church - the public at large didn't like what Joseph Smith was doing with his new religion & congregation. This disapproval (though it was mostly disapproval at what Joseph Smiths did with others' wives and various con jobs he was wrapping up on the side) is what led to the mobs that drove the Mormons from every city they settled in until they ultimately turned to the inhospitable Salt Lake valley. Surely there have been spikes in the negative public image at various points in history. Things were pretty bad back in 1978 just before blacks were gifted with the priesthood through a new revelation. Certainly things have been heated since Proposition 8 came along, thrusting the involvement of individual members (at the encouragement of church officials from the pulpit) into the limelight. So this recent rash of youth suicides I mentioned...  It has brought this newest chapter in the long civil rights path of our young country to a head once again.

Justin Aaberg, 15, Anoka, Minn., July 9, 2010
Billy Lucas, 15, Greensburg, Ind., Sept. 9, 2010
Seth Walsh, 13, Tehachapi, Calif., Sept. 19, 2010
Tyler Clementi, 18, Ridgewood, N.J., Sept. 22, 2010
Asher Brown, 13, Cypress, Texas, Sept. 23, 2010
Raymond Chase, 19, Monticello, N.Y., Sept. 29, 2010

Children are killing themselves because they are alienated from their peers in every way.  And their peers alienate them because their own parents and leaders have taught them to fear and scorn anyone that is different from them.  And this back-to-school trend is absolutely not the beginning of youth suicides.  I got a mailing from the Human Rights Campaign that talked about the suicide of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11 year old Massachusetts boy in 2009, due to bullying because he "acted like a girl". There are so many. It's truly tragic and alarming. My own 11 year old son is the victim of bullying and ridicule at school this year, simply because he has long hair. Kids call him a girl and tease him mercilessly, just because of their perceptions about sexuality!

This weekend was the LDS church's fall session of their General Conference. This is an opportunity for the membership to hear messages from the top leadership of the church. And as is typical at this time each year, things are heating up. I've read a few news articles yesterday and today, excerpting Boyd K Packer's talk, but after several LDS members claimed his message is being taken out of context, I decided to listen to the entire talk on the church's own website lds.org.
Packer begins by proclaiming the fear and confusion facing the young people of the church today. He refers to the churches revelation "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", issued 15 years ago. He quotes it in part by reading the following:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

He then further quotes LDS scripture to define union between a man and woman as a commandment from God. He goes on to discuss the concept of free agency, so prevalent in this religion. He talks about how sacred is our ability to create life. He talks about obedience and prayer. He promises that an obedient, willing & prayerful husband and wife will be gifted with children, happiness & a personal relationship with God. These blessings, including children, may come now or in the hereafter. He also stipulates that "pure love presupposes that only after a pledge of eternal fidelity, a legal & lawful ceremony and ideally after a sealing ordinance in the temple, are those life giving powers released to the full expression of love. It is to be shared only and solely between a man & woman, husband and wife with that one who is our companion forever." He warns that Satan is miserable and impotent, and that he can not stand any happiness and seeks to tempt us to sin and therefore, into misery. He likens pornography to a plague, "relentlessly trying to invade every home mostly through the husband and father". He talks about the spiritual fatality caused by this plague. He then promises that the priesthood can protect us from this plague, or any other bad habits and addictions. He warns parents to protect their families from these plagues. He warns not to succumb to these counterfeits for marriage. His next quote lays out exactly how he feels about homosexual tendencies, and the italicized portion is the quote which has sparked so much upset and so many claims of being taken out of context.

Any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong. In the Book of Mormon we learn that wickedness never was happiness. Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural . Not so. Why would our heavenly father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our father."

He quotes more scripture and goes back to talk of breaking addictions through the power of the priesthood. Then he goes on to tell a story of a child who brought a kitten to class with him. the children asked if the kitten was a boy or a girl and the teacher quickly asserted that it didn't matter. But the children persisted and finally one boy said he knew how to tell - they could vote on it!

You may laugh at the story. But if we're not alert, there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of Gods laws & nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce. For instance what good would a vote against the law of gravity do? There are both moral & physical laws, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world that cannot be changed."

He warns that if the membership does not protect the LDS idea of family, the very foundation of civilization will be threatened. He begins to wrap up his address with a message of repentance for your unworthy habits and addictions. He promises peace & happiness for families who are obedient to these laws.

Now, after going over the entire address, I can safely say nothing is taken out of context. With that in mind, here's what I think of his words. I've noticed that President Packer tends toward this theme. He harps on homosexuality, intellectuals, feminists, morality, pornography, etc. I wonder what sins he sees in himself that make him so fearful of these things. In a facebook note linked below the comments suggest Packer is gay and another commenter, a church member, is insulted at the "disgusting things" implied about President Packer. I was far more offended by the statement that being gay is disgusting, than I ever would be, were it implied that my religious leader was gay! Her paradigm demands that she see that as disgusting. I see it not as an inflammatory remark to imply such, but simply an obvious possibility based on human behavioral psychology.

Anyhow, skipping further speculation on Packer's sexual tendencies, I see Packers early comments about the family and free agency as a way to ensure that his congregation perceives homosexuality as a choice. His provision that a husband and wife may be gifted with children only in the hereafter is typical of the LDS church's advice of delaying blessings & happiness till the next life, in exchange for suffering in this one. Just as they counsel their homosexual members to live celibate lives now in order to possibly be free of these desires someday, maybe not till the next life.

When he quotes the scripture "wickedness never was happiness", he implies gays are miserable. He mixes together references to homosexuality as this "fake unnatural love" with the feelings of shame & guilt associated with pornography in order to confuse his congregation and make them fearful of homosexual relationships. Packer's switch from addictions to homosexuality & back again works to suggest to the congregation that homosexuality is somehow a bad habit or an addiction to be overcome.

When he talks about voting on natural laws, my blood really starts pumping. Gravity is indeed an irrevocable law that can not be changed, even if we were to put it to a vote. The ridiculousness of this statement is unmatched in his talk, since gravity is a proven scientific fact, demonstrable in every aspect of our daily lives. Morality however, is a fluid social agreement, based on the times we live in. For instance, it used to be moral for a Mormon man to have several wives. Currently I believe several wives is considered immoral among the Mormon leadership. Until someone can prove to me a constant, unchangeable law of morality, I won't have this conversation.

It just makes me want to cry for these manipulated children when he ends with an admonishment to repent. The entire message of fear is couched in language of parental love and concern. Well I'm not buying it!

As a personal side note, that from-the-pulpit fear mongering couched in fake love, and dripping with old-man creepiness I might add, is a large reason for my departure from regular church attendance, and a contributing factor in my decision to "resign" from their membership officially.

This sort of fear mongering and hate rhetoric fan the flames of homophobia. My 11 year old son, the same boy who gets teased for his long hair, has 3 friends. Today he came home and informed me that his parents told him he can no longer have sleep overs. His parents told him yesterday evening that sleeping over with friends led to temptations they need to protect him from. Wow.

So now we see stuff like this facebook note that very closely reflects my own feelings on Packers address, as well as fantastic official statements like this one from The Human Rights Campaign. Joe Solmonese, president of HRC says:

Words have consequences, particularly when they come from a faith leader. This is exactly the kind of statement that can lead some kids to bully and others to commit suicide. When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.

Educated LDS friends talk about how they don't agree with Packer's statements about homosexuality not being preset. I don't understand how someone can pick and choose which tenets of their gospel they can agree with. If my religious leader is preaching something that rings false to me, this is a red flag for the entire belief system in my opinion. One very telling comment touched me.

When I hear the words of President Packer, my heart hurts and I feel uncomfortable. I interpret this as a departure of the spirit. When my own leaders counsel causes this departure of the spirit, what am I to make of it?

As Duane Jennings, co-director of the Salt Lake chapter of Affirmation says... this weekends conference comments about gays are "evidence that the church hasn’t really changed, and that its positive moves [like supporting Salt Lake City’s anti-discrimination statutes] have been just an attempt to improve its image in the wake of Proposition 8.” I'm afraid of what may come from this latest log on the firey civil rights debate. I don't think we've seen the last of our losses unfortunately. And like Isaac Higham, I feel that "the blood of the innocents drips from the hands of those who strangle the life and the hope out of them through their bully pulpit." But as renown author John Krakauer extensively demonstrates in his book "Under The Banner of Heaven", the LDS church has a rich tradition of violence and separatism. Their leadership believes in the blood atonement and it could be that none of this even bothers these men.

All I can do is hope more people will feel the truth and see how false this message is. I believe that someday we will move past hate, and even past tolerance, and past acceptance, into a real and complete love of each other, for all our similarities and our differences! And I think this message of fear from President Packer is just the sort of vehicle to bring about some of that change! I have faith that at least some people will instinctively want to move away from this message of division and fear, and find something that feels closer to God, without the strings of fear and brainwashing attached. And what a wonderful thing it is, when we start our quest for a higher truth! Some beautiful journeys have just begun!

- Flora

Is God Part of The Grand Design?

In "The Grand Design," by eminent British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking and U.S. physicist Leonard Mlodinow, Hawking asserts that a new series of theories makes a creator of the universe redundant, according to the Times newspaper which published extracts on Thursday.

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist," Hawking writes.

"It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going."

He refers to the 1992 discovery of a planet orbiting a star other than our sun when discussing the possibility of a creator. "That makes the coincidences of our planetary conditions -- the single Sun, the lucky combination of Earth-Sun distance and solar mass, far less remarkable, and far less compelling evidence that the Earth was carefully designed just to please us human beings,"

These simple elegant statements are opening my mind up wide. I'm getting more and more Atheist by the minute! Hahaha Okay not exactly. But I am more and more comfortable letting go of the idea of a father/God figure, so similar to the Mormon God I was raised with. And stated so simply, it is all so clear to me that there was no need for a God in the creation of the universe. I never bought the "created in 7 days/6000 year old universe" theory, and I never bought the premise that God zapped Adam & Eve into being like magic. I was always much more comfortable with the idea that God worked with the laws of science & nature to facilitate the creation of our world over time. But this was an unexamined premise that only lived vaguely in my mind. And when I do examine it more closely, things don't fit together quite right. If God existed before anything, out in the ether of space, floating in the darkness, and God created all the universe... well then we aren't on the same evolutionary path and we'll never progress to where God is now. And that just doesn't feel true to me. I don't know, but I feel the rightness of our continuing evolution and progression. There may or may not be a god in some form or another. I definitely don't think there is an old man, clothed in white robes, watching over us all, keeping a tally of our good and bad choices every second of every day. And while it feels like my beliefs have been unconsciously drifting this way for some time, bringing these thoughts into the light now, I definitely agree more and more that is is unlikely a supreme being set the creation of the universe in motion. What do you think?
-Flora

Thank You President Obama!

Friday morning we sat sipping our coffee and came across this story in the LA Times. We were so happy we had cake to celebrate!!!

President Obama late Thursday ordered most hospitals in the country to grant the same visitation rights to gay and lesbian partners that they do to married heterosexual couples. ... Obama ordered the [Secretary of Health & Human Services] to ensure that all hospitals getting Medicare and Medicaid money honor all patients' advance directives, including those designating who gets family visitation privileges.
The order also requires that documents granting power of attorney and healthcare proxies be honored, regardless of sexual orientation. The language could apply to unmarried heterosexual couples too.

The pen is mightier than the sword. We just want to say Thank you President Obama! Keep up the good work.

It's Time For Mike Huckabee to Retire

So have you seen this story yet? Mike Huckabee gets philosophical about gay marriage. I'm impressed with the profundity of his comments: Children aren't puppies. Wow. Impressive Mike. Let's all think about that one for a minute... Yeah I know, it's a ridiculous statement and doesn't need much reflection at all. So lets move on to other statements he made. Last week he was in Ewing N.J. at The College of New Jersey, speaking to the Student Government Association. He also gave an interview to campus news magazine The Perspective, for a Friday article. So this isn't new news, and further, his opinions aren't news - he's been saying this stuff for a while. What that tells me is that Huckabee has had time to attempt to apply a little spin to his comments, but I'm not seeing any backpedaling: Huckabee really is just a genuine bigot I'm afraid. He labeled the gay lifestyle "outside the ideal" and compared it to incest, polygamy and even bestiality! Wow am I offended! And the jaw-dropping ignorance doesn't end there...

"I don't have to prove that marriage is a man and a woman in a relationship for life," he said. "They have to prove that two men can have an equally definable relationship called marriage, and somehow that that can mean the same thing."

I can't believe he thinks homosexual couples haven't already proved the success of their relationships! I can tell you this: homo and hetero are not so different at all! The "committed relationships" we enter into can be just as successful between two men or two women who are equally committed to that relationship. Further, having worked in the club scene for many many years, I can tell you the heterosexual dating scene has just as much promiscuity and desperation as any other. There are successful and failed relationships on both sides. I think it's time to stop making sides and start celebrating our common humanity!
Toward the end of the article I've linked to at the top, there is a Huckabee quote regarding AIDS patients and I'm not going to repeat the fear filled hateful comments he made but let me just say it brought WWII concentration camps to my mind and I nearly cried. I'm horrified this man is thinking he should run for President in 2012 and I hope you all know the kind of man he really is.

Some things I found online about Huckabee and his political platform:
He does NOT support gay marriage obviously
He doe NOT support a woman's right to choose abortion
He does NOT support the Kyoto protocol (environmental treaty)
He does NOT support an assault weapons ban
He supports the Patriot Act
He supports an immigration border fence on the US/Mexican border
He supports the war in Iraq

What If You Weren't Invited To Your Own Prom?

Do you remember Constance McMillen? She made the news a couple months ago when she was told she wouldn't be allowed to bring a female date to her high school prom in Mississippi. When she tried to sue the school they simply canceled the prom. The school essentially told the entire world they would rather their kids are deprived of any good times at their Senior Prom than allow them to share the dance floor with a lesbian couple. Well the ACLU was as offended as we were and immediately stepped in with a new lawsuit on behalf of Constance: put on a prom for these kids - all of them. So a group of parents came to the game and announced they would host a private prom for the kids. They implied this would solve Constance' problem of being unable to bring a same-sex date to the public school event. They implied this was a solution for her. They didn't tell the court this was really a solution for them.
Constance was given the run around, told the event was canceled, and finally told the school-sponsored prom was back on and she could bring her date. But who was at this "school sponsored" prom? Seven misfit students. The parent organized event was still on and they made sure Constance and her girlfriend weren't invited and kept in the dark.
We have a couple of questions: What are they hoping to accomplish? And what message are they trying to send to the world? Because we're hearing hate. Lots of hate and discrimination. And we're wondering how on earth any of those parents think this was okay.
We're so sorry you were deprived of your prom Constance!

-Flora

Liberty And Justice For All?

I originally planned to post a note about a 'Technology Sabbath'. I am strongly considering participating. It would be interesting to see how I respond to a day away from so much technology. I might get more work done in the garden. I might connect to people on a real level as opposed to electronically. Ideally the trend spreads and is observed by many. I feel like participating in large positive group events/movements, sends out a very powerful positive intention and energy. I like being a part of that. I guess because it feels empowering.

But after reading the latest news about Lieutenant Dan Choi, we all felt we should write something about his situation.
Lt. Choi was discharged from the military one year ago for coming out as being gay after serving honorably under Don't Ask Don't Tell for ten years. Yesterday he handcuffed himself to the fence in front of The White House in peaceful protest. Today he's being held under arrest with Jim Pietrangelo and until recently, 5 others as well. A good place to get quick updates on developments in the case is the getEQUAL facebook page. Their latest post says:

GetEQUAL Breaking!! Offered $100 fine, Dan & Jim plead NOT GUILTY and demand a jury trial. We do not plead guilty for equality. Trial set for April. More to come.

This morning over coffee, all three of us called both our US Senators and submitted our comments to the White House contact page We would urge you to voice your concerns over the treatment of Lt. Choi as well.
This is how we feel. We're appalled that the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy exists to begin with. How degrading and insulting to expect an entire arm of the organization to pretend to be something else and hide their reality from their peers, denying them the full self expression and equality of choice afforded everyone else in this country! We're appalled that people are being treated this way. Men and women who've served us and protected our country and our freedom, are being ostracized, dismissed and worse. That makes us wonder what century we're in. And to see Lt. Choi arrested & mistreated because he staged a peaceful protest on the sidewalk just makes us shake our heads! Why is this even an issue?! Why does this man have to handcuff himself to the fence and get attention and be noticed? Our country has had one group or another fighting for equality since it's birth! And equality always wins! Make no mistake, equality will win in this case too. Those who oppose equal rights for LGBT people are on the wrong side of history and soon, time will catch up with them. Just as it did for those against the lowly colonists first, then those against the slaves gaining equality, and those against the rights of women... That's how we feel.
So why did Lt. Choi handcuff himself to the fence one year after his discharge? If I were guessing, I would guess his answer might be something like this: Because people can only affect change when they know a problem exists. Well hello everyone, Dan Choi is asking for your attention for just a moment. He would like to tell you this is a problem. He would like his equal rights now please. Just like we've been proclaiming since Thomas Jefferson wrote The Declaration of Independence! Are we really a nation still refusing to recognize that hypocrisy? These discriminatory policies may not have been instituted by us, but as a nation, these policies stand in our name and reflect on us as a group. Since I'm a part of that group, I'd like these policies changed! Don't Ask Don't Tell is a specific example with a clear answer: Repeal. But it's not the only issue of equality the LGBT community faces. Issues like California's Proposition 8 abound all over the nation and these are more examples of things that need to change!
We hope you'll write to the white house about repealing DADT, as well as about fair treatment for Lt. Choi. We also hope you'll take a moment to call your representatives. It's so easy. This morning we called and said we were constituents of the senator etc, we heard of the Lt Choi arrest and didn't think this was just, also we wanted to urge the Senator to work toward repealing DADT immediately etc. It's a very quick phone call to a sweet-voiced young lady taking messages. To get the number to call your Senators, click here. To find a number for your US House Representative click here, enter your zip+4 in a box near the top left and you will get a link to your Representative. Mine had his contact numbers and addresses listed at the bottom of his page - I called the Washington DC office number. And I did all of it while I sipped my coffee. I don't think that's too much to do to further the cause of equality in a country which claims that as one of it's founding principles.

-Flora

Flora's Birthday!

Our Flora has a birthday today!

This gives us the perfect excuse to get together for fancy coffee brunch with lots of great friends!

And we actually took a day off from controversial debate (gasp)! Mostly we talked about the food, the coffee and the mimosas!

Coffee With T

Our friend T joined us for coffee this morning. She's a local massage therapist, mom and all around awesome woman. Massage therapy is a passion for her but she does run into issues from time to time. The problem is this: There are clients that still see massage therapists looking for more than a rub-down.

Flora: How often would you say you get propositioned at work?
T: I'd say 80% of my male clients say something.
Flora: And how do they ask?
T: They'll call and ask if we use draping (cover them with a sheet), or if we give a sensual massage.
Flora: So how do you respond when they ask?
T: Well we have to clarify what they mean because sometimes even women will ask if we give a sensual massage and they may just be thinking of a Swedish - some people call those sensual. And honestly, we will use a drape as small as a towel sometimes, but we have to just tell them, yes we drape.
And we post our pictures in our advertisements so they'll call asking for specific therapists - "I want the girl with the blond hair" etc. That's a dead giveaway.
Flora: Wow.
T: Twice I've had a client laying naked and face up when I came into the room. Once I just put a towel over him and went on with the massage. The other time I said "I'm sorry I think you got the wrong idea. I'm going to leave the room and when I come back I need you to be face down, under the blanket. But I hear a lot of stuff like "What's the matter, aren't you comfortable with nudity?" I just say I have no problem with it but the law says they need to be covered. It's sad though that I have to blame it on the laws because really I just wouldn't do that. But you don't want to risk offending someone and losing a client.
Merriweather: I'd really like to know what makes people think it's ok to go to a legitimate place of business and make a request like that.
T: Well it's insulting because it's an actual career and you need to attend a lot of schooling to be qualified and licensed but some clients act like you are only there to fulfill their sexual fantasies. In fact I even told one guy that maybe he should call an escort service. He told me that it was too expensive to pay the $100 an hour PLUS get a room, pay for any extras and a tip. It was just easier to get a massage and pay an extra 20 bucks!
Flora: So now that you own your own massage business, how do you handle the issue?
T: We've actually done a few things. We ask them to pay in advance and they sign a waiver acknowledging that there is no illegal activity and that if we ask them to leave for any reason, they will not get a refund. It may not stop the questions every time but at least we don't lose income anymore. It's sad though because really it's a few women who've ruined it for the rest of us because they're willing to do that. I went into massage to help people but some women have made it out to be something different.

Maybe hearing straight from a therapist will make people think twice.

Resource Consumption

Reading some of the comments on the recent recycling post made us think more about consuming resources and our habits as a society.

It scares me a little the way we consume resources and generate waste. ... Science is telling us we’re facing dwindling resources, especially if we continue to consume at the rate we are. Not a pretty picture it paints of the future...

Currently the United States makes up approximately 4.5% of the world population but consumes nearly a quarter of all energy resources. And China with their 1.3 billion people make up almost 20% of the worlds population. China puts a half million new cars on the road every day. They want the consumer lifestyle of cars and toys and things. So now lets do some very rough math. If China consumes at the rate we Americans seem to think is acceptable, this will require we use 110% of the worlds resources to maintain that. It's pretty staggering when you think about it. Now consider this. India wants the live that same consumer lifestyle as their country progresses too! Why not? And their population is around 1.15 billion or another 16%. Very roughly, that is a need of near 200% of the worlds resources! Now I know that with politics and budget spending the way it is these days, we might think consuming 200% is a viable option. But let me remind you we're not talking about paper money and deficits here, we're talking about real, physical, finite resources. When they're gone, they're gone - there's no option for us to just go into debt. And because we're happy to go on doing what we've always done and we refuse to see what gasoline engines are doing to our environment, we're killing the planet. Plain and simple. And at the very least we're facing the gas lines of the 70's all over again. I don't want a hybrid, I want a solar/wind powered car! Or one that runs on saltwater! Develop an engine that runs on saltwater! That would be awesome. It's time to stop thinking like we did 100 years ago. We know so many things we had no idea of 100 years ago and it's time to take those things into consideration and pull our heads out of the sand!
-Flora

Healthcare - Oh Boy, We Said The H-Word

Healthcare is such a huge issue right now and everyone has a different opinion. Political issues usually tend to divide down party lines but people are all over the place on this one. There are just so many variables. National healthcare sounds great, but then you think of the cost of new government agencies and offices, tax money going to things groups object to such as abortions, loopholes for third party lawsuits, the public option, co-ops, filibusters, objections on individual points of order... it's not surprising that a lot of people we know just want someone else to figure it out. Of course that sort of apathy scares the people who do want to participate. That attitude also prompts politicians to make decisions for us despite clear opposition from their constituents. The whole thing is a huge mess. Healthcare reform is in trouble before it has even begun.
And despite having the "best healthcare in the world" we're still in trouble because of the high costs. There are several reasons costs are so inflated. We hear about the ludicrous itemized costs associated with any hospital stay and it makes me wonder why hospitals have to nickle and dime patients for every little thing when costs are already so high? Then there is the issue of doctor fees. We can't deny that a doctor has been to an extreme amount of schooling and training and can command a fairly high rate. Nevertheless, the fact that there are fewer and fewer doctors in practice (likely due to high malpractice insurance rates - again with the insurance!) and thus no need for competitive pricing, further inflates costs. Another reason for high costs are all the uninsured people who wait till things are really bad, then go to an ER and receive treatment they can't pay for. Later, those costs may have to be absorbed by the hospital. Getting back to insurance issues - my dentist has a private practice with no partners. He has two dental assistants and four office staff. One dentist and two assistants need four people just to handle all the paperwork between their office and the insurance companies! A friend of ours is constantly calling her insurance company to question charges on her daughters doctor bills. Almost every time she calls they tell her the partial coverage was "a mistake", they easily "re-review the claim" and everything goes through. This seems fishy to me. This seems like Aetna is hoping that instead of calling to argue, she'll just take the easy way and pay the bills herself.
With all the objections regarding the current bill on the table, one thing keeps coming back to me. Why should this plan not be the employer provided plan available to all of congress? Is this plan they're trying to pass, somehow sub-par? I can see a lot of problems with this and still I'm told I don't understand all the ins and outs of the bill (probably true). But don't try to first tell me that you know better/more about it and it's fine, but then second, turn around and refuse to participate yourself. I'm not stupid and that's a huge red flag.
-Flora

The real crisis with healthcare stems from the fact that people are looking to the government to step in and take over, but this is a huge conflict of interest. One of our biggest money making industries in this country is the pharmaceutical industry - an industry in the business of treating illness, not curing it. The lobbyists for these companies are pulling strings in Washington, make no mistake. So we need to be honest with ourselves and ask the question - is the government really the right entity to reform healthcare? Especially when you take into consideration what has happened with any entity the government has bailed out in the past. Because that is basically what this would be: a huge bailout of the insurance companies. There's no question that healthcare is an issue and that reform is a must, but as long as we're waiting for someone outside ourselves to step in and take over, we're giving up our rights, and it will never be what we needs because these are our bodies and we are the ones concerned with them.I'm not going to pretend to know all the answers here, but one thing I do know is that it's time to start being responsible for our own health and well-being, as far as that's possible. Especially when it is in the interest of government and big business to maintain sickness rather than wellness. It's time to get creative and start looking for our own answers. All I can do is speak for myself, but what I've done is found a chiropractor/naturopath who maintains our structural health - which has made a huge difference, I treat myself and my family with herbs & homeopathy - significantly cheaper than pharmaceuticals, I focus on nutrition, education, and preventive care. I also search for answers online - in this age of information, it's all at our fingertips. I do acknowledge this doesn't work for everyone, and there are times when medical intervention is necessary. However I do believe that individually, through education, we can and should find a balance between self-directed care and doctor-directed care. Really instead of waiting for someone else to come save us, we need to be responsible for our own health.
-Merriweather

Is Organic Coffee Getting Scarce?

We came across an article today that made us a little sad. Hundreds of thousands of pounds of organic coffee are sitting in warehouses in Latin America, waiting silently and no one is coming. Growers all over Latin America are taking losses in sales because they can't fetch the higher price needed to cover the costs of natural pesticide use and smaller yields from non-chemical fertilizers, and they're ultimately switching back to chemical pesticides and fertilizers. Approximately 10% of organic growers have defected back to regular coffee growing, and 75% of the worlds organic coffee is coming from Latin America - Mexico to Costa Rica.
On the other side of the coin, Starbucks says they were only able to purchase organic beans about 3% of the time last year. And in response to questions as to why this was the case, Starbucks stated: "Our purchases of certified organic coffee are limited due to the limited quantities available worldwide and the constraints of the organic certification system for farmers." These constraints of organic farming include farmers absorbing the cost of organic farming for a minimum of three years before becoming certified, since agencies determined the soil must remain pesticide free for 3 years. Further, organic farms trap more carbon than their chemically managed counterparts and are thus better for the environment.
We need to decide if a healthier, safer product is worth the increased cost. And if it is, we should be demonstrating our commitment to a responsible product with our purchases, and urging organizations like Starbucks to do the same.
-Flora

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! Remember?

Today is garbage day here at Coffee and Controversy. Both garbage and recycling pick up on Fridays and as I look out my window, I see two recycle cans and seven garbage cans. There are eight houses in this circle and two that appear to use their recycle cans at all. Interestingly, those two houses probably put trash out only about every other week. This week mine is out and my neighbors is not, but as I said before, we're once again the only two people with our recycle cans out.
I remember when I was a kid we had to request a curbside bin and pay for pick-up. It was tiny and they only picked up every other week. Now my recycle can is the same size as my garbage can, it picks up every week, it's included in my waste utility bill and they'll take almost anything. Really, there's no guess work on plastic - they take every number, one through seven. The only thing I can't recycle curbside is glass. So with how easy it is, are there really 6 houses in my tiny circle that don't recycle at all? I mean, okay, don't be the zealot I am about it, saving every paper gum-wrapper for when I get home so I can put it in the recycling. But you can't toss in your milk jugs, egg cartons, 2 liter bottles, cereal boxes, newspapers... These are kind of no-brainers people! According to EPA statistics, nearly 14% of landfill waste is recyclable newspaper. And they further estimate that nearly one third of household waste is paper. Wow. That is a lot of paper unnecessarily going into our landfills. Is it laziness? Is it obliviousness? Is it willful rejection of any green habits? I'd really like to know. Because the 2 out of 8 scenario really amazes me.
-Flora

Barb Davis White is Confusing Me

So for the full obnoxious story you will have to go here but the gist of it is this: A Minnesota legislative committee met this week to discuss the legalization of same-sex marriage ('bout time, good for them). And Barb Davis White, a Tea Party activist and Republican candidate for Minnesota’s 5th Congressional District (does anyone else wonder how you can belong to one party, albeit a pretend one, and be running on another parties ticket?) took the opportunity to open her mouth against equality.

Apparently she feels the gay-rights movement has used momentum from the civil rights movement to further their own cause. Her exact words were "Rosa Parks did not move to the front of the bus to support sodomy." She points out that aside from skin color, there is no difference between a black person and a white person, but there's a tremendous difference between a man and a woman. Hmmm... okay we agree. But tell us again what bearing this has on what constitutes marriage? I mean, according to this woman, man and woman are different. And this is... the good kind of marriage right? And different races of people are the same. But this is the good kind too? But over here, my two guy friends who are same-same... that's wrong? Now I'm confused Barb! Can someone give me an actual logical reason against marriage for everyone?

- Flora

Premarital Test Drives

This weekend I had coffee with some family and it was a really great time - lemme tell you my uncle can make a mean pot of coffee! Said uncle and I talked a lot about his ex-wife, how he felt in his marriage, how he feels now, premarital sex... It's interesting to hear the previous generation voice more progressive ideas than we're used to from them. When it comes to sex, his beliefs seem to be as liberal as mine.

My uncle's first wife was emotionally abused by her father. As well, she witnessed the physical/sexual abuse he subjected her sisters to. So in his words, sex represented everything that was awful to her. I can completely understand this because I was in the same position for a lot of years after being raped at 13. I've been lucky enough to recover but I know some don't. So her desire to avoid sex (among other things I'm sure) drove a wedge between them and ruined their marriage. I'm sure he wouldn't change things now, after raising two amazing children in the process. And now he's met and married a woman who he's extremely compatible and happy with.

But in the present moment, without thirty years of history holding someone to a choice, don't you think we would be glad to know, before taking vows, that our partner isn't on the same page? While I don't think outright promiscuity is the answer, I do think having sex before getting married is important, to establish compatibility. Unfortunately, even with friendship, shared interests and even physical attraction, the actual act of sex can sometimes fall flat between two people. Or sex-drives won't match up and someone wants it much more often than their partner. The problem is this: as with many circumstances, when the sex is good, it's only 10% of what's good, but when it's bad, it's 90% of what's bad. I hear this comment about a lot of things and I think it's because when something is going well, it is just a single component in a fulfilling life. But when it's going badly, that single component detracts from every other area. Anyone who's been in an unhappy or unsuccessful marriage knows just how much it can effect every other part of life.

In my teens and twenties, partly in reaction to being raped and partly because I think a lot of young insecure women go this route, I gave myself away to more than a few guys. Some I wish I could take back. But do I wish I had been able or chosen to wait till marriage? Absolutely not. I would rather know ahead of time that we have at least one less obstacle to overcome. Marriage isn't easy under the best circumstances.

So what do you think? I know that living in my town, a lot of people disagree with my opinion.

-Flora

Ignorance Isn't Bliss for The Rest Of Us

A friend of ours posted this link today on facebook and the article really got us talking about ignorance and the frustrating behavior we sometimes deal with today. The editorial is humorous and well written but a little bit sad because it's so very true.
Why is it more and more common to encounter people who have never learned to debate like an adult but choose to settle arguments like most pre-schoolers? We're sorry, but the "I know you are but what am I" style of arguing is just not appealing, and it will never persuade us.
Columnist Leonard Pitts Jr. originally wrote a piece which "mentioned Henry Johnson, who was awarded the French Croix de Guerre in World War I for single-handedly fighting off a company of Germans ... who threatened to overrun his post."
A reader named Ken Thompson commented "Hate to tell you that blacks were not allowed into combat intell (sic) 1947, that fact. World War II ended in 1945. So all that feel good, one black man killing two dozen Nazi, is just that, PC bull."
At this point, Pitts's assistant responds to the reader with factual information to back up the claim, he argues further. Clearly the guy has a problem with recognizing this African American soldier and his contribution in WWI, we may even go so far as to say he's racist. His final argument is "It is what it is, you don't believe either ... " Really?! That's the best you can do? To tell me that I really don't believe what I'm saying? Wow. Well I'm sorry for you because clearly you're functioning in life with a shortage of intelligence and that's got to be difficult.
The problem is that this head-in-the-sand attitude is more and more common! People refuse to see the truth presented to them. We love what Pitts says in his column:

"...increasingly, we are a people estranged from critical thinking, divorced from logic, alienated from even objective truth. We admit no ideas that do not confirm us, hear no voices that do not echo us, sift out all information that does not validate what we wish to believe."

To Ken Thompson - Learn the difference between fact and opinion. A fact is what happened. An opinion is what you think of it. You can care as little as you want about Henry Johnson. That doesn't change what he did. Ignorance may be bliss for you, but it's annoying as hell to the rest of us.

-Flora

Controversy Lite - Olympic Gold

Because it's Monday morning and we're all a little tired after the weekend, the topic is: Figure Skating!

Yevgeny Plushenko won the Silver medal in men's figure skating at this years Olympics and then said of Evan Lysacek, the gold medal winner, that he wasn't "a true champion" because he didn't include a quadruple jump in his routine. The quad is comprised of any jump where the skater rotates 4+ times before landing the jump. Understandably, Plushenko feels that expectations should grow as skill levels increase, otherwise the sport isn't progressing. Plushenko performed a routine that wasn't missing any elements, incorporated his best skills and didn't include any flaws that he felt would exclude him from winning the gold medal. Then further, Lysacek gave a performance that, while a great performance, was simply missing key elements Plushenko felt should have been included to warrant the gold. Plushenko made the statement that reducing the importance of the quad jumps inclusion made the sport comparable to ice-dancing.
When this situation developed, Shaun White had just discussed a similar topic regarding his own February 17 medal run in snowboarding. He pointed out that if he had done the same routine that earned him a gold medal in 2006, he probably wouldn't have even qualified for the finals this year. Your competitors get better and you have to rise to the occasion.
Many people feel the same way. Yahoo! sports writer Elvis Stojko says "Sorry, Evan Lysacek. You’re a great skater and all. But that wasn’t Olympic champion material."
So did Lysacek deserve the gold medal? Or was Plushenko's shock justified?

-Flora

We NEED Our Heroes!

We know we've recently posted on Don't Ask Don't Tell, but we found this poster on coffeeghost.net and we love it! We feel like this pretty much sums up how we feel about things!

What thoughts and feelings does this poster bring up for you?
-Flora, Fauna & Merriweather

Brazillian Coffee Cookies

We found this recipe for Brazillian Coffee Cookies on cooks.com. So Merriweather pulled three Starbucks Via instant coffee packets out of her purse and we whipped up a batch! To see the full recipe, go to our recipes page. Over the next few weeks we'll be trying a few recipes, picking our favorites and then finally tweaking those a bit for better results!

When we first added the crystals it looked a lot like an oreo concoction. The dough was pale and creamy with tiny black flecks throughout. But soon it began to turn a deep rich coffee color as the crystals dissolved into the dough. It ended up resembling ginger-bread dough - very thick and firm. The recipe advised pressing with a greased and sugared fork or glass: we first went with a glass because it held onto and transferred more sugar crystals than the fork, but we ended up trying both.



The recipe advises 8-10 minutes cooking time but we did find even 8 minutes was far too long in our oven when using the dark non-stick cookie sheet. The bottoms were dark and hardened. When we switched to a glass pan we cooked for closer to the 10 minutes without any problems. And we do recommend using a reflective cookie sheet as opposed to the non-stick - this way we avoided the burnt sugar taste. Merriweather thought the cookies were delicious, but thought they were best as "dipping" cookie, especially with milk. She liked the strong but not overwhelming coffee flavor, and loved the chewy texture!





Depending on the look you're going for, and the amount of sugar you want, you can use the fork or the glass.



and of course, add hot coffee for the perfect breakfast treat!