How Can We Bring About Positive Change from the LDS Conference Rhetoric?

I'm so alarmed by the recent rash of suicides among the LGBT youth in America, and after this weekend, living in Salt Lake and being fully exposed to the information disseminated at this weekends General Conference, I'm very sad that the leaders of the LDS church, the default religious leaders of my community, are still encouraging division among brothers & sisters. It's just so wrong! And so I, like so many others, am once again driven to speak out about my own feelings.

The widespread dissatisfaction with the LDS church leadership I am currently witnessing is not a new phenomena. It's been this way since the very inception of the LDS church - the public at large didn't like what Joseph Smith was doing with his new religion & congregation. This disapproval (though it was mostly disapproval at what Joseph Smiths did with others' wives and various con jobs he was wrapping up on the side) is what led to the mobs that drove the Mormons from every city they settled in until they ultimately turned to the inhospitable Salt Lake valley. Surely there have been spikes in the negative public image at various points in history. Things were pretty bad back in 1978 just before blacks were gifted with the priesthood through a new revelation. Certainly things have been heated since Proposition 8 came along, thrusting the involvement of individual members (at the encouragement of church officials from the pulpit) into the limelight. So this recent rash of youth suicides I mentioned...  It has brought this newest chapter in the long civil rights path of our young country to a head once again.

Justin Aaberg, 15, Anoka, Minn., July 9, 2010
Billy Lucas, 15, Greensburg, Ind., Sept. 9, 2010
Seth Walsh, 13, Tehachapi, Calif., Sept. 19, 2010
Tyler Clementi, 18, Ridgewood, N.J., Sept. 22, 2010
Asher Brown, 13, Cypress, Texas, Sept. 23, 2010
Raymond Chase, 19, Monticello, N.Y., Sept. 29, 2010

Children are killing themselves because they are alienated from their peers in every way.  And their peers alienate them because their own parents and leaders have taught them to fear and scorn anyone that is different from them.  And this back-to-school trend is absolutely not the beginning of youth suicides.  I got a mailing from the Human Rights Campaign that talked about the suicide of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11 year old Massachusetts boy in 2009, due to bullying because he "acted like a girl". There are so many. It's truly tragic and alarming. My own 11 year old son is the victim of bullying and ridicule at school this year, simply because he has long hair. Kids call him a girl and tease him mercilessly, just because of their perceptions about sexuality!

This weekend was the LDS church's fall session of their General Conference. This is an opportunity for the membership to hear messages from the top leadership of the church. And as is typical at this time each year, things are heating up. I've read a few news articles yesterday and today, excerpting Boyd K Packer's talk, but after several LDS members claimed his message is being taken out of context, I decided to listen to the entire talk on the church's own website lds.org.
Packer begins by proclaiming the fear and confusion facing the young people of the church today. He refers to the churches revelation "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", issued 15 years ago. He quotes it in part by reading the following:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

He then further quotes LDS scripture to define union between a man and woman as a commandment from God. He goes on to discuss the concept of free agency, so prevalent in this religion. He talks about how sacred is our ability to create life. He talks about obedience and prayer. He promises that an obedient, willing & prayerful husband and wife will be gifted with children, happiness & a personal relationship with God. These blessings, including children, may come now or in the hereafter. He also stipulates that "pure love presupposes that only after a pledge of eternal fidelity, a legal & lawful ceremony and ideally after a sealing ordinance in the temple, are those life giving powers released to the full expression of love. It is to be shared only and solely between a man & woman, husband and wife with that one who is our companion forever." He warns that Satan is miserable and impotent, and that he can not stand any happiness and seeks to tempt us to sin and therefore, into misery. He likens pornography to a plague, "relentlessly trying to invade every home mostly through the husband and father". He talks about the spiritual fatality caused by this plague. He then promises that the priesthood can protect us from this plague, or any other bad habits and addictions. He warns parents to protect their families from these plagues. He warns not to succumb to these counterfeits for marriage. His next quote lays out exactly how he feels about homosexual tendencies, and the italicized portion is the quote which has sparked so much upset and so many claims of being taken out of context.

Any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong. In the Book of Mormon we learn that wickedness never was happiness. Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural . Not so. Why would our heavenly father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our father."

He quotes more scripture and goes back to talk of breaking addictions through the power of the priesthood. Then he goes on to tell a story of a child who brought a kitten to class with him. the children asked if the kitten was a boy or a girl and the teacher quickly asserted that it didn't matter. But the children persisted and finally one boy said he knew how to tell - they could vote on it!

You may laugh at the story. But if we're not alert, there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of Gods laws & nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce. For instance what good would a vote against the law of gravity do? There are both moral & physical laws, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world that cannot be changed."

He warns that if the membership does not protect the LDS idea of family, the very foundation of civilization will be threatened. He begins to wrap up his address with a message of repentance for your unworthy habits and addictions. He promises peace & happiness for families who are obedient to these laws.

Now, after going over the entire address, I can safely say nothing is taken out of context. With that in mind, here's what I think of his words. I've noticed that President Packer tends toward this theme. He harps on homosexuality, intellectuals, feminists, morality, pornography, etc. I wonder what sins he sees in himself that make him so fearful of these things. In a facebook note linked below the comments suggest Packer is gay and another commenter, a church member, is insulted at the "disgusting things" implied about President Packer. I was far more offended by the statement that being gay is disgusting, than I ever would be, were it implied that my religious leader was gay! Her paradigm demands that she see that as disgusting. I see it not as an inflammatory remark to imply such, but simply an obvious possibility based on human behavioral psychology.

Anyhow, skipping further speculation on Packer's sexual tendencies, I see Packers early comments about the family and free agency as a way to ensure that his congregation perceives homosexuality as a choice. His provision that a husband and wife may be gifted with children only in the hereafter is typical of the LDS church's advice of delaying blessings & happiness till the next life, in exchange for suffering in this one. Just as they counsel their homosexual members to live celibate lives now in order to possibly be free of these desires someday, maybe not till the next life.

When he quotes the scripture "wickedness never was happiness", he implies gays are miserable. He mixes together references to homosexuality as this "fake unnatural love" with the feelings of shame & guilt associated with pornography in order to confuse his congregation and make them fearful of homosexual relationships. Packer's switch from addictions to homosexuality & back again works to suggest to the congregation that homosexuality is somehow a bad habit or an addiction to be overcome.

When he talks about voting on natural laws, my blood really starts pumping. Gravity is indeed an irrevocable law that can not be changed, even if we were to put it to a vote. The ridiculousness of this statement is unmatched in his talk, since gravity is a proven scientific fact, demonstrable in every aspect of our daily lives. Morality however, is a fluid social agreement, based on the times we live in. For instance, it used to be moral for a Mormon man to have several wives. Currently I believe several wives is considered immoral among the Mormon leadership. Until someone can prove to me a constant, unchangeable law of morality, I won't have this conversation.

It just makes me want to cry for these manipulated children when he ends with an admonishment to repent. The entire message of fear is couched in language of parental love and concern. Well I'm not buying it!

As a personal side note, that from-the-pulpit fear mongering couched in fake love, and dripping with old-man creepiness I might add, is a large reason for my departure from regular church attendance, and a contributing factor in my decision to "resign" from their membership officially.

This sort of fear mongering and hate rhetoric fan the flames of homophobia. My 11 year old son, the same boy who gets teased for his long hair, has 3 friends. Today he came home and informed me that his parents told him he can no longer have sleep overs. His parents told him yesterday evening that sleeping over with friends led to temptations they need to protect him from. Wow.

So now we see stuff like this facebook note that very closely reflects my own feelings on Packers address, as well as fantastic official statements like this one from The Human Rights Campaign. Joe Solmonese, president of HRC says:

Words have consequences, particularly when they come from a faith leader. This is exactly the kind of statement that can lead some kids to bully and others to commit suicide. When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.

Educated LDS friends talk about how they don't agree with Packer's statements about homosexuality not being preset. I don't understand how someone can pick and choose which tenets of their gospel they can agree with. If my religious leader is preaching something that rings false to me, this is a red flag for the entire belief system in my opinion. One very telling comment touched me.

When I hear the words of President Packer, my heart hurts and I feel uncomfortable. I interpret this as a departure of the spirit. When my own leaders counsel causes this departure of the spirit, what am I to make of it?

As Duane Jennings, co-director of the Salt Lake chapter of Affirmation says... this weekends conference comments about gays are "evidence that the church hasn’t really changed, and that its positive moves [like supporting Salt Lake City’s anti-discrimination statutes] have been just an attempt to improve its image in the wake of Proposition 8.” I'm afraid of what may come from this latest log on the firey civil rights debate. I don't think we've seen the last of our losses unfortunately. And like Isaac Higham, I feel that "the blood of the innocents drips from the hands of those who strangle the life and the hope out of them through their bully pulpit." But as renown author John Krakauer extensively demonstrates in his book "Under The Banner of Heaven", the LDS church has a rich tradition of violence and separatism. Their leadership believes in the blood atonement and it could be that none of this even bothers these men.

All I can do is hope more people will feel the truth and see how false this message is. I believe that someday we will move past hate, and even past tolerance, and past acceptance, into a real and complete love of each other, for all our similarities and our differences! And I think this message of fear from President Packer is just the sort of vehicle to bring about some of that change! I have faith that at least some people will instinctively want to move away from this message of division and fear, and find something that feels closer to God, without the strings of fear and brainwashing attached. And what a wonderful thing it is, when we start our quest for a higher truth! Some beautiful journeys have just begun!

- Flora

From The Chapter: Fighting Against The Knife

Today we've got a new treat! A friend of ours, Steven H. Lee, recently wrote the book, Falling Into Life: A Gay Exmormon's Journey and agreed to let us post an excerpt. One thing I think about very often is how, despite much good done in the world, organized religion has terribly slowed the progress of equal rights. I can't imagine being a young homosexual, knowing I could never be myself because even my omniscient God disapproved of me. Not just knowing I could never be myself, but knowing my self was inherently wrong. I can't stand it. This chapter touched me. It made me want to act. It made me want to call my Senators and the White House and anyone else who runs for public office and tell them it's time for ENDA, it's time to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and do anything else to make us all actually equal. Oooh, and it also made me want to read the rest of the book!!

From the chapter: Fighting Against the Knife

I use this analogy to describe my own growing homosexuality experience; I call it the “knife”. It was like all the prophets, all the speakers, my lifetime of every religious discussion, all the words, the scriptures, the counsel, and the doctrine became a terrible jagged knife that was being pushed right into my heart. And everyone I knew, my leaders, my family, all my close relationships, they were all pushing that knife into my heart, and I was the only one holding it back. All their hands on that knife handle pushing it in, and I could feel my hands on theirs trying to stop the pain.
The creation of the knife starts early. It is a curious thing that happens to a young innocent child, that moment when you realize that you are the enemy. For me it happened when I was quite young, probably twelve years of age. I saw myself as all the rest, in line for God’s love expecting great things, and feeling as loved and as impervious as the rest of my comrades. The moment was confusing to me, and I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me, but there it was, these scriptures in the bible that said that homosexuals were the enemy. An abomination. A horror in God’s eyes.
It was part of a Sunday School lesson and we were taught two scriptures in Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13: "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; both of them have committed an abomination," and "If a man lies with a man as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them." Then it was followed with a handful of Prophetic teaching mirroring the same concept: Homosexual sin is next to murder.

The knife slowly sharpening.

I had already become aware that Mormonism had clear rules and regulations for salvation, beginning as a young child in primary learning to give everything to God and to worship the prophet via cute songs. I was already collecting dimes and nickels for my tithing, and I knew that Satan was waiting in the wings for me, with his legions of demons tempting me to fall out of grace and into hell. I also knew that something was askew inside of me, although I was unable to put my finger on it...

...After we consummated our marriage, I knew I was doomed. The spark was not there. I was lost. I had been counseled that marriage would make me straight, and in that one moment, in my first thrust, I knew it was a lie. I wanted my heart to pound, I wanted this so bad, and it was not happening. It was not going to save me, it was not going to happen. She was a virgin who was saving herself for marriage, only to marry a gay man. I knew it was a tragedy of epic proportions.
I didn’t give up. Maybe God could still save me somehow. It was a sin, I was hell-bound, and she was going to be my salvation. Sixteen years later, after confessing to my wife I was gay in year four of our marriage, after twelve years in "conversion therapy", years of heart ache, cheating, bargaining with God, three kids and absolute mental devastation, I felt suicidal.
I had remained active through it all, and it had not saved me. I had done everything God asked me to do, and I was still gay. So many hands were on the knife handle now, and now her hands were on the knife handle with everyone else’s. I couldn't imagine myself making one of my own children suffer this way, and yet my Heavenly Father had stayed silent for twenty-six years through all of it, not once offering me any help. How could he be so terribly uncaring toward one of his own suffering children? I felt more isolated than at any time of my life, and I was doing everything right that I knew to do. I was being hung out to dry.
It felt as if I was fighting for my life. I was in such tremendous agony, and everyone had the words, “We love you…” falling from their lips as they pushed the knife harder and harder into my heart. I became so distraught that I was willing to let my spiritual life end to never feel that awful again. I became so emotionally detached and wounded, and something deep inside me snapped. I decided that I would stand up and face it! No matter how much push back I received, I would not back down. I owed myself a genuine life, and if the angels came to kill me, then so be it. I was done feeling shitty. No longer would I passively let my heart be threatened with violent ideas of destruction. I would turn that knife around and I would wield it at them. I would fight!
The visceral pain was so threatening to me that I began having severe panic attacks. I was already experiencing panic attacks due to my relationship with my parents, but when I decided to leave, the whole weight of the experience, the fear of all the years that had been programmed into my brain came rushing out. I dreamed angels came down from heaven and slashed my throat. I dreamed that I was lost forever, hell bound, never to be rescued. I felt valueless, adrift and alone even though I was surrounded by people.
I began an eighteen month journey of feeling as if I was falling. I literally felt as if I were freefalling helplessly to my doom while doing anything, sitting, walking, working, and sleeping. Although I stayed on my new course, my domestication was so great that it took over my ability to reason. My mental state put my physical state into absolute alarm.
I was able to fight this, but many men cannot fight this, and they commit suicide. And it is not their fault; they are sensitive men following the poisonous counsel of ignorant straight male leaders to their destruction. In my opinion, it is the fault of the Mormon Church and its untrained leadership. This happens in the Mormon Church to gay Mormon men and apostate family members. But they are whisked away to proper Mormon funerals by embarrassed Mormon families, never to be heard from again, their stories buried with them, the embarrassed families silenced by their belief. This is real, this is a terrible mental abuse.
All men in my situation are given a choice: You let the knife stop your own heart, or you take that knife, and you force it out of the hands threatening you, and you wield it against them. You save yourself. You begin your metamorphosis. You transcend.