Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Office Max, Ice Cream and a New Goal

My sons dad and I talk often about the importance of teaching our son to set goals, then work on attaining them.  Truthfully, when you boil down the teen events that Merriweather and I do, one of the big things I hope to achieve is opening kids minds to the possibilities available to them and helping them set goals that inspire them!  My son attended the event on the 5th, so discussing goal setting with him again is probably very timely at this point.  A few weeks back he came home from school after a career day, with a list of possible jobs hastily scribbled onto a corner of paper and torn from his worksheet.  In telling me about the possibilities that caught his attention, I could hear he wasn't especially excited about any of them.

A little after that, my son and I had a conversation about my renewed work on the novel I'm writing.  He agreed he would try to get things for himself while I was writing, or wait till I took a break to ask something of me.  Partly because of that conversation, he's taken more notice of what I'm doing and has noticed I'm writing.  This has had the unexpected effect of giving him more confidence in his own writing abilities.  In the past, he has been very resistant to writing of any kind.  He doesn't like to write by hand and his typing skills are just now getting to a point where he feels like he's accomplishing something to type rather than hand write.

Writing is also, I think, a sort of deceptive craft.  It seems like it should be easy, right?
"I speak well, tell stories, converse, entertain and delight verbally, why shouldn't I be able to write it down in a bestseller?"
 Similarly, I think it seems to kids who read a beautifully narrated story that they could do this too and it should be easy!  For those who don't naturally lay down pages of prose however, it can be very intimidating.  So when my son had struggled over every word and come up with three lines, poorly constructed, he was understandably discouraged.  He let that feeling keep him from writing anything for a long time but he's not intimidated or discouraged by writing any more!  Shortly after he started to take notice of my writing, he began writing his own story!  He'll join me while I write, bringing his laptop into whatever room I'm in, saying "Hey Mom, wanna write together?"  Clearly, having such a real example of that possibility makes it an attainable goal for him.

Last week he finished his story.  It's over 4500 words and is nine pages long when printed!  He's so proud...  So am I!  With the final version in hand, we went to Office Max for binding and once it was all put together I thought his face might crack from the huge smile pasted there!  I decided this wasn't the time to go home so we drove out to a Jim's Diner for hot cocoa and ice cream sundaes.  When asked about the scrap of paper he had brought home after career day, he informed me he didn't want to do those things - he wanted to be a writer!  He had such a great time working on his first story he wants to do more writing.  Watching him light up as he talked about it made me grin from ear to ear.

He told me over ice cream that he wants to be an author and have his story read by thousands of people.  I told him bestselling authors sell millions of copies of their books.  I said "When you write a book, you won't reach thousands of people, you'll reach millions."  That idea lit up his whole face!  I reminded him not to think small about himself, just like he learned from Kevin Hall.  So he wants to be a writer!  And he wants to work on that and set goals that will make him a better writer and develop his skill.  Whatever he ends up pursuing as an adult, it's so exciting to see him dreaming about his future.

I'm interested lately in what kinds of goals we set and how we reach them.  Do you regularly set and work on goals?  Do you help your kids reach goals?  What  methods do you implement for yourself or your kids to achieve those goals?

Monday, March 1, 2010

Premarital Test Drives

This weekend I had coffee with some family and it was a really great time - lemme tell you my uncle can make a mean pot of coffee! Said uncle and I talked a lot about his ex-wife, how he felt in his marriage, how he feels now, premarital sex... It's interesting to hear the previous generation voice more progressive ideas than we're used to from them. When it comes to sex, his beliefs seem to be as liberal as mine.

My uncle's first wife was emotionally abused by her father. As well, she witnessed the physical/sexual abuse he subjected her sisters to. So in his words, sex represented everything that was awful to her. I can completely understand this because I was in the same position for a lot of years after being raped at 13. I've been lucky enough to recover but I know some don't. So her desire to avoid sex (among other things I'm sure) drove a wedge between them and ruined their marriage. I'm sure he wouldn't change things now, after raising two amazing children in the process. And now he's met and married a woman who he's extremely compatible and happy with.

But in the present moment, without thirty years of history holding someone to a choice, don't you think we would be glad to know, before taking vows, that our partner isn't on the same page? While I don't think outright promiscuity is the answer, I do think having sex before getting married is important, to establish compatibility. Unfortunately, even with friendship, shared interests and even physical attraction, the actual act of sex can sometimes fall flat between two people. Or sex-drives won't match up and someone wants it much more often than their partner. The problem is this: as with many circumstances, when the sex is good, it's only 10% of what's good, but when it's bad, it's 90% of what's bad. I hear this comment about a lot of things and I think it's because when something is going well, it is just a single component in a fulfilling life. But when it's going badly, that single component detracts from every other area. Anyone who's been in an unhappy or unsuccessful marriage knows just how much it can effect every other part of life.

In my teens and twenties, partly in reaction to being raped and partly because I think a lot of young insecure women go this route, I gave myself away to more than a few guys. Some I wish I could take back. But do I wish I had been able or chosen to wait till marriage? Absolutely not. I would rather know ahead of time that we have at least one less obstacle to overcome. Marriage isn't easy under the best circumstances.

So what do you think? I know that living in my town, a lot of people disagree with my opinion.

-Flora

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Why Coffee?

Why did we choose coffee to accompany our controversy you ask? Well because everyone loves coffee right? I'm pretty sure it's right behind water for the most-consumed beverage on the planet.

According to coffee-statistics.com:
"The first coffee tree in the Western Hemisphere was brought from France to the Island of Martinique in the 1720's."
Well thank you France!

As for us we love everything about it! We love the smell as it brews, we love doctoring it up in all kinds of sweet ways, we love how it goes with anything you want for breakfast and we love how it stimulates the conversation each day!

I was wondering today if there is any feeling finer than that first sip of coffee in the morning? We want to know what you love about coffee.

-Flora

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Welcome to Coffee and Controversy!

Our intention is to create a forum where people can step into the world of full self expression! We'll be here each day drinking coffee & chatting... and sometimes blogging our stimulating conversations. We welcome your comments, no matter what your opinion, but we hope everyone will be respectful of others opinions as well. Our articles aren't for the faint of heart, and probably shouldn't be shared with your children. We might say things you don't agree with but we invite you to open your hearts and minds and just try these ideas on for a minute, see how they feel. We want this to be a place where people can expand their opinions and belief systems and be open-minded and respectful of the beliefs of others. Be sure to check back daily as we'll be posting new stuff all the time. You can look forward to topics such as gay rights/marriage, global warming, our president & other leaders, marijuana v alcohol, affairs, divorce/custody, prostitution/stripping/pornography, autism and immunizations... We're here to shed light, give information and create powerful solutions in everyday life wherever we can! We'll also have coffee picks, an advice column, and eventually even some contests and prizes!
-Merriweather